


that kind of luxe just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzz

by redbrunja



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2018-01-01 11:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbrunja/pseuds/redbrunja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Batgirl and Black Bat versus the two most unobservant robbers in Gotham. The 'versus' implies that the robbers had even the faintest ghost of a chance, which, lol, no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	that kind of luxe just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzz

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amathela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amathela/gifts).



Stephanie staggered cheerfully into the 24-hour pharmacy, holding up a twenty-dollar bill. She had experience with impromptu, late-night, in-costume shopping, and the trick was making it clear right off the bat that you were paying and not sticking the place up.

 

Cassandra silently followed in Steph's foot steps.

 

"Morning," Steph said to the cute redhead behind the counter, since it was three hours past midnight. "Busy night?"

 

"...kinda?" she answered, staring at Steph's ripped-up knuckles.

 

Tonight, a bunch of Ukrainian mobsters had tried to get a toe hold in Gotham and been soundly beaten by Batgirl and The Black Bat. It had involved _a lot_ of punching.  And knees to faces. And other, even more sensitive areas. Turns out, Batgirl wasn't a fan of drug-dealing, people-smuggling gangsters; and Black Bat shared her feelings!

 

Anyway, Steph's knees were going to match her uniform tomorrow and her hands were kinda trashed. She'd pulled her gauntlets off post-fight, because she hated the feeling of blood pooling in her fingertips, plus the more she bleed on them, the harder they were to clean.

 

"Tell me about it," Steph said with a sigh, and headed toward the first aid aisle.

 

Cassandra smoothly moved towards the drinks refrigeration in the back, moving like she hadn't (literally) been shot in the back three times this evening.

 

"Dr. Pepper, please!" Steph requested, projecting to the back of the store.

 

"Okay," Cass answered.

 

Kevlar works wonders, but Steph still grabbed a bottle of extra-strength aspirin (she gave herself 3 to 1 odds on getting Cassandra to take any) as well as bandages and some antiseptic (yes, yes, typically she carried all of the above, but that little incident two nights ago with Damian and the mutated seagulls had tapped her out).

 

She detoured by the make up aisle (Black Bat's costume this evening involved a scarf across her mouth instead of a domino mask, which meant–

 

"Impromptu make-over!" Steph called out, adding a bottle of liquid eyeliner, mascara, two different shades of bronze eye shadow (it was super cheap, okay?) and a purple, shimmery, eye shadow (that one was for her) to the other items she was awkwardly carrying in her arms.

 

"Not that your eyes need any help looking gorgeous, let's be real, but that's no excuse not to–" Steph started and then two someones slammed through the pharmacy's door, and there was the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked.

 

"Dumbasses," Steph muttered to herself.

 

"Open the till! Empty it! Hands in the air!" one of the robbers shouted. He was wearing a green ski mask. Ski masks should really be tracked purchases, no one ever bought them to ski with in Gotham, nope, it was always armed robbery. The other robber had a black hoodie and huge sunglasses.

 

Steph rolled her eyes and silently set her purchases down.

 

"Umm," the cashier said, "Do you want me to put my hands up or open the till because I can't do both–"

 

"Just fucking open the till," black hoodie said.

 

"You both get an F on situational awareness," Steph said loudly. Both robbers whirled, pointing their guns at her, instead. Which was actually all part of her plan. And maybe having guns pointed at her _sounded_ like a bad plan, but it meant that by definition they weren't pointed at the cashier, and let's face it, Steph was the one wearing body armor.

 

"You really want to play it like this, boys?" She cocked a hip, smirked at them.

 

The two robbers looked at each other nervously, back at her, and then flinched when they realized that Cass was looming above them, crouched on the top of the aisle. While shelving units didn't have the gravitas (or the dramatic wind) that a perch atop a nicely atmospheric gargoyle did, Cass's cape none the less seemed to billow in the wind, an aura of righteousness and leashed violence surrounding The Black Bat. (How was that possible, you ask? Because Cassandra Cain was just that fucking badass.)

 

Steph felt her smile tug wider, bright and fierce in the florescent light. She crossed her arms (and palmed two electro-bateranges). Her smile pulled at her split lip, which started bleeding again. She didn't wince or anything, but still, ouch.

 

"Umm...." Black Hoodie said.

 

"Because I am _always_ up for a little late-night workout, you know?" Steph continued. In her peripheral vision, Cass nodded once in agreement.

 

Behind the backs of the robbers, the cashier was grinning, and also pressing the panic button.

 

"Maybe..." Green Ski Mask started.

 

"You're going to put down the guns?" Steph finished his sentence.

 

The two robbers looked at each other and then carefully set their guns down.

 

"Knives, too," Cassandra added.

 

Moving even more reluctantly but still obeying, a bowie and a steak knife (literally, an actual knife for steak, it looked super-dull) were set on the scuffed linoleum.

 

"And your pants," the cashier added vindictively.

 

There was a pause.

 

Cassandra glanced at Steph. Steph shrugged and then nodded at the cashier.

 

"I like the way you think," she said, and pointed at the floor with a baterang."Lose the clothes."

 

"But..." Green Ski Mask protested, trailing off as he was clearly getting no sympathy from the two superheroes in front of him. He actually _looked over his shoulder at the cashier_. She responded with a pretty epic fuck-off bitch face, it was artful, truly.

 

Three minutes later, the two robbers retreated from the store, literally holding their dicks in their hands.

 

The cashier was recording the whole thing on her smart phone; the robbers, their dicks, the part where the GCPD showed up just in time to arrest them both right outside of the store. The cashier was laughing so hard that she was hiccupping.

 

Steph and Cass lingered long enough to see justice served and then snuck out the employees entrance before the cops could come in and question them.

 

"You are both totally awesome! You're my new favorites!" the cashier shouted as they slipped into the back. "Thanks, bat-ladies! Please come again!"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] that kind of luxe just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzz](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11098452) by [forzandopod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forzandopod/pseuds/forzandopod)




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